Jealousy in Relationships: A Sign of Love or sign of Insecurity?
Jealousy is a complex emotion that often stirs up conflicting feelings. Is it a sign of love, or does it stem from deep-seated insecurities? Understanding the roots of jealousy in a relationship can help you navigate it constructively and maintain a healthy connection with your partner.
The Dynamics of Jealousy
Picture this: your partner goes out with friends. It’s already 2 a.m., and he’s still not home. You call to check if everything is okay, but he doesn’t answer. When he finally arrives, you pretend to be asleep to avoid talking. The next morning, you’re distant and grumpy, giving him the silent treatment.
Sound familiar?
These behaviors—though common—are often masks for deeper fears and insecurities. Without addressing the root cause, jealousy can lead to resentment and emotional disconnection over time.
What Need Lies Behind This Behavior?
Jealousy often arises from underlying needs or fears, such as:
The need to punish the person.
The need to escape from emotions.
The need for manipulation due to insecurity.
The need for control through emotional blackmail.
The need for attention.
This behavior often gives us the illusion that we’re experiencing “grand, tragic loves” when in reality, they’re the direct result of inadequate patterns and beliefs we’ve internalized.
These inherited programs often shape our behavior and perceptions in relationships:
“I have to work hard for everything; nothing comes easy to me.”
“I must fight for love; I need to earn and deserve it.”
Obsession with weight: “If I gain weight, I lose my value and won’t be attractive to men.”
Lack of confidence with partners: “I feel inferior, especially if I think he’s ‘the one.’”
The need to prove myself.
The need for validation.
The need to be the best.
Fear of being myself with my partner: “What if he doesn’t like the real me?”
Fear of disappointing people I care about.
How many sleepless nights have you spent rereading his old messages? How many tears have you cried while waiting for him to call? How many days have you devoted entirely to thoughts of him, neglecting yourself and your friends? Have you put your life on pause?
These are inherited patterns and beliefs we’ve learned to live by, convinced that “something is wrong with us.”
Communication Blocks in Relationships
Sometimes, it’s not that you don’t want to resolve the conflict—you just can’t. You feel a lump in your throat or a knot in your stomach, making it impossible to express what’s bothering you. Total block.
It’s not easy to talk about emotions if you weren’t raised to believe it’s necessary or even desirable. We’re taught to sweep small dissatisfactions under the rug. But as those small issues pile up, they grow into a mountain of unresolved resentment, making calm communication feel impossible.
That’s how relationships break—not from big problems, but from unspoken small issues left unresolved to fester and contaminate the bond.
When words fail, there is another way to express your emotions: through color.
Paper doesn’t require explanations. It can handle everything.
No need to worry if a color seems too bold and might offend. No fear that a sharp stroke might hurt someone. You don’t have to be afraid of rejection. You can paint it out, then tear it up and throw it away. No one gets hurt, and you feel lighter.
When you see your dissatisfaction in front of you—in the colors and shapes you’ve given it—it won’t seem so overwhelming. You’ll feel relief.
At that point, you’ll find it easier to share a few words that aren’t charged with emotional intensity. The conversation will feel calmer, more constructive.
During an art therapy session, when you transfer dissatisfaction onto paper, we can objectively reassess the circumstances and reasons behind it. This way, you’ll feel in control of your life rather than at the mercy of your emotions and ingrained behavior patterns.
If you want to express dissatisfaction and avoid conflict, it’s time to explore art therapy. Learn more at the link.
When There’s No Saving the Relationship
Not all relationships are worth saving. It’s not always up to you, so it’s not your responsibility to maintain a relationship where you feel exploited. Your responsibility is to ensure you don’t feel that way.
A clear sign you’re in the wrong relationship is if you often find yourself thinking:
“My love will save him.”
“My love will change him.”
When you take on the role of the savior, you constantly focus on your partner, caring for them more than yourself. This makes you a magnet for emotionally unstable partners.
Steps to Break Dysfunctional Patterns
Examine the need that drives you to choose the same type of partner repeatedly.
Reflect on the thoughts that have become your beliefs.
Analyze what you gain and lose in these relationships.
Address the fears behind your decisions.
Instead of saving your partner, decide to save yourself.
This last step is one of the most important. When you shift your focus, you’ll go from being a savior to being saved. It’s not easy, I know. But it’s not impossible. I know that too.
If you want to work on this important topic through art therapy with my support, schedule an introductory consultation.